Let’s not beat around the bush, to protect your interests you need to vote with the same laser-like focus employed by lobbyists seeking tax breaks. If they can vote for their self-interest why can’t you?
It’s about time that candidates voted for the political positions the public actually wants. So, if you’re running for office, here are the key promises you need to make….
Make robocalling a capital crime. Each morning in each state capital we will shoot robocallers at 6 AM. We will do this until robocalls stop. It shall be legal to kidnap robocalling executives who live and work overseas. Indeed, it shall be encouraged.
Treat executives who raise drug prices by more than the rate of inflation as robocallers, plus bulldoze their mansions and estates to make way for public gardens and parks.
Ban utility lobbyists since such individuals are being paid with our dollars to oppose the public good. Anyone convicted of being a lobbyist for a utility company will be required to live in Manitoba for a year without electricity, indoor plumbing or windows that close.
Require any senator or representative who votes for war or any continuation or expansion of military activity overseas to have a son or daughter in uniform on the front lines. If there is no available son or daughter, the senator or representative shall personally go in their place. There shall be no exceptions and, pretty soon, like the old song says, we won’t have to worry about war no more plus your kids will have all of their arms and legs.
Senators and representatives shall be required to receive medical services which are no better than those available at their nearest VA hospital. Magically, medical services for vets will instantly improve.
Companies that want to relocate factories and plants overseas shall be subject to a 150% tax on the goods imported from those factories and plants.
The salary of any non-profit executive shall be no greater than three times the federal poverty guideline.
There shall be a 100-percent tax on inheritances so that no snot-nosed little twerp has an advantage over your son or daughter. Alternatively, inheritances shall be allowed if 95 percent of the value of the inheritance goes to non-profit organizations within six months following the death of a benefactor.
As a condition of graduating from high school, all students must know how to drive a car and they must also ride on a public bus two hours per day for a month. This will put an end to driving irresponsibly.
Any conveyance with four or more tires and a motor must be equipped with automated safety devices that stop vehicles before they crash into the rear of another vehicle or drift across lanes. Such devices will alert drivers to unsafe conditions with a strong electric pulse delivered to the groin once the vehicle has come to a complete and safe halt.
Vote For Your Mortgage Rate
No bank shall be allowed to operate in more than five contiguous states. No bank shall be allowed to lend outside it’s service area.
Banks shall be required to pay savers 75 percent of the rate charged for mortgage borrowing.
Mortgage rates shall be based on the rate of inflation plus 2 percent but never more than 5 percent.
All loans, except mortgages secured by real property, shall be based on the biblical principles of remission and jubilee. Deuteronomy requires that debts must be forgiven every seven years (remission) while Leviticus says all debts must be forgiven every 50 years (a jubilee). Lenders who violate biblical principles shall be regarded as robocallers.
No congressional hearing shall be televised without the agreement of 75 percent of all committee members. This anti-prima-donna legislation should reduce the cost of Congress by 42 percent.
The Federal Reserve shall be disbanded and in its place forecasts will be made by a consortium of 13 one-armed economists. This way they will never again say, “but on the other hand….”
(Photo courtesy of Asa Rodger)